Back to Fishing

I posted yesterday about how I had listened to a few different speakers, and they have ALL spoken on the same subject....Which was the topic I wrote about yesterday....Well, today, I got off work early, so I decided to take advantage of my quiet time...and pulled up my devotion for today...You know it before I say it...But it is also....the same topic...CRAZY! I truly think God is trying to tell me something...So, I am going to do my best this time....to listen<3 Pray for James and I as we try to determine what it is we are supposed to be doing. =) We both feel the same way~We just want God to use us. Praying daily. Here is a copy of the devotion....from Proverbs 31 Ministries<3

Back to Fishing

’I'm going out to fish,’ Simon Peter told them, and they said, ‘We’ll go with you.’ So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing." John 21:3 (NIV)

Have you ever found yourself in a place where all your hopes and dreams have fallen apart? What did you do?

Jesus’ disciple Peter had betrayed his Lord, and watched Him die. Now Jesus was gone. So what did he do? In John 21, we see Peter going back to what he was doing before he met Him. I sometimes wonder what he must’ve been thinking as he sat aboard the fishing boat and scanned the horizon.

Did he wonder if it was all just a dream? Did he worry about the future? He had been at a spiritual pinnacle—walking with Jesus, hearing from Jesus, planning for a future that included Jesus. But in the blink of an eye, he and his comrades were back to their old pursuits as though nothing had happened at all.

God was still at work, but during this time He let Peter and the other disciples go back to fishing. He let them have those days of wondering and worrying. He allowed them to scan the horizon looking for Him—and find nothing. For a time He allowed them to feel alone and even forsaken.

When we feel that way, we tend to go back to what we knew before. We might go back to old habits or old friends who weren’t necessarily the best for us. We might go back to old pursuits or old crutches that once propped us up. We might be like Peter and find ourselves sitting in a place we never thought we’d see again.

And yet, this time, something is different. This time there is that glimmer of hope that—while we might have gone back—we don’t have to stay back.

I love that this story ends with Jesus on the beach waiting for Peter and his friends to stop fishing and come to Him. And, when Peter saw Jesus, he jumped out of the boat to get to Him.

Perhaps you’ve walked away from your own dreams and returned to what is familiar. Maybe disappointment or failure has left you wondering where God is. I hope you will cling to this story today. I hope that as you scan your horizon, you will see God waiting for you to return to Him. And when you do, you will run towards Him as fast as you can.

He may have let you go through an alone time. He may have allowed you to wonder if He was still there. But in that time, I pray that the flicker of hope did not die out for you. You may have gone back to "fishing," but He doesn’t want you to stay there. He’s got so much more for you to do. He is still at work. His plans involve going forward, not going back.

Dear Lord, I have felt alone and forgotten. I have wondered if any of my spiritual experiences were real. I’ve gone back to what’s familiar because it was all I knew to do. But I know You don’t want to leave me there. I want to see You when I scan the horizon. And when I do, help me to have the courage to run toward You as fast as I can. I trust that You still have a plan for me. And that plan involves going forward, not going back. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

I Will Follow

Haven't blogged in a few weeks..Not because I haven't had a lot on my mind =) I have finally went back to work....and our schedules and pure exhaustion simply got the best of me.

One thing that I truly valued during my time that I was off work~due to my illness~was my quiet time with God. I had plenty of it. AND I definitely used my time wisely. Isn't it funny how in a crisis situation we realize our need for God in our lives. We pray. Alot. We read our Bibles. Alot. And then this crazy thing called "normal" starts creeping back into our lives, and we slowly grow away from what was such a difficult lesson to learn in the first place. I can feel this starting to happen in my life~and I don't want it anywhere near me<3 I want to continue the pathway that I feel like God has put me on. I don't want to allow this "normal" way of life to come back. Bad things happen. I have had my fair share of them lately. But I have grown so much because of them. I want to use what I have gained. To be more bold for Christ. I mean, in all seriousness, I really could not be here today. I had a subdural brain hemmorage. A condition that many people die of. Why didn't I? Because God has a purpose for me. He has a purpose for all of us. We just have to make an effort to figure out what it is.

I listen to a number of pastors on a weekly basis (Daniel Floyd~My sister's pastor, Steven Furtick~Pastor of Elevation Church)...plus our own church, and Sunday school class....I am learning to realize that all things truly happen for a reason...I have always known this, but when you see it happening in your life, over and over again....It just makes it more concrete. The two pastors that I watch online, plus the guest pastor that was at our church yesterday, plus our Sunday school lesson....ALL speaking about the same topic. Seriously? I mean...when I started watching my last one this morning....I got all teary. It's like, "Ok, God...I get it...I believe you are talking to me...." =)

Somewhere along the way...We start "living" life...and stop dreaming.

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

 We settle for the routine day to day life...and we don't run for the dream God has for us.

The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. Psalm 37:23-24

We are NOT here just to Be. We are here to make an impact with our lives. For Jesus. Not just to exist in this world. 

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. Psalm 32:8

We are not to be afraid that we can't. Because He said....I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Phillipians 4:13

We all face tough times. I have recently. I have dreams. Big ones. I want to reach people for Jesus. Was ready to face the world...or so I thought...

Then my brother in law passed....my van transmission went out, I had a subdural hemmorage, finances headed south, Unable to work for some time....my fire went out for what I personally could do. During all of this, my relationship with God grew so much. Spiritually I felt closer than ever...But physically, felt as if I was pretty much helpless... But my situation seemed pretty hopeless for me to get to "pursue" some of these dreams I have. So, here I am~back to nursing...because it pays the bills. Being a "taxi driver" for my kids. Laundry. Dishes. Housework. You know the list. We all have one.

But I heard this today...and it sure hit home. In the Bible, Peter denied Jesus three times. I am sure he was overwhelmed with regret after Jesus died on the cross. After Jesus' death on the cross, Peter went back to fishing. Not thinking about everything that Jesus taught him.  That was what he did before. That was his normal. His routine. His comfort zone. What came easy for him. Until that day  he saw Jesus on the shore. When he realized it was Him. He jumped out of the boat. <3 And ran to Him. (John 21-1-17) Love this part. Because even though he went back to what was easy...Once He realzied that the Lord was there. With Him. He jumped out of the boat (comfort zone) and ran to Christ (His calling)...To me...that is just amazing<3 Jesus is on my shore...waiting for me to run to Him. He doesn't want me to sit in my comfort zone...and just simply exist. He wants me to Live my Dream. Be all I can be for Him. Be committed. Don't sit and think about what I can do. LIVE it. I don't want to go back to what is comfortable. I want to do what God has called me to do. God wants us to be OUT of our comfort zone...Because ultimately that is where we serve Him the best.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

This is my prayer today. I am struggling with this one. James and I are praying and searching for His will in some things. Knowing God is in it. Looking forward to seeing where He is going to take us. Because....

Where You go, I'll go
Where You stay, I'll stay
When You move, I'll move
I will follow... =)

 

Dream...

Beautiful Song...Love.

Just wanted to share...

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream

Don't wait for a "Perspective Changer"

I usually don't title my blog posts until after they are written..But today is different...last night during church, while listening to our pastor, I came up with my title...Don't judge me, I was paying attention in church, even taking notes....because I am a note taking kind of girl...I take notes to keep my mind on track. You should see the books I read...I take notes in them too...sometimes with colored pencils...because it makes me smile =) and for no reason other than that =)

But the title came to me during church because of the content of the sermon. Our pastor was speaking about a subject that lots of people like to avoid...When your last minute on Earth comes, where will you spend the next minute? Your first minute of eternity? Heaven? or Hell? Yes. That is a deep question. A question that a lot of people would rather not think about...Not now. Now, I am busy with all of this stuff that I have going on in my life. Lots of things to do. You know, Stuff.

We can go about our daily lives. Doing the "stuff" that we consider important...and completely ignore the eternity question? But like I have told my children about lots of things....ignoring something doesn't make it go away...It doesn't mean that it won't happen. It will. Death isn't something that any of us can avoid. It happens to everyone at some time or another.

My PERSPECTIVE has been changed. Life altering events have a good way of doing that. Believe me, I have had my share of them in the past couple of months. Like I have said before, you can be living life one day, and fighting for it the next. Crazy how that works. But it is so. Don't wait until something happens. Perspective Changers aren't fun. Period. They hurt. They are difficult. And sometimes seem unfair. BUT ~ Has my perspective been changed? Definitely. God gives us so much that we don't thank him for. Family, friends, jobs, cars....the list could go on. But the key to that statement is that He gives it to us. When you lose a family member, or a friend, a job, or even something as simple as a car~you miss it. You realize the value it had in your life. The importance of it. Like the song, "You don't know what you've got until it's gone"...So true. Don't wait until it's gone. Make the desicion to follow Jesus today. Without Him in my life~these past few months~I honestly don't know where I would have been. I have been in His word, and prayed more than I have in my life. Why does it take a "perspective changer" to cause this change in my mind? I wish I knew. But I would love for you to realize it before hand. He is here. For you. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23 I know that these are things you have heard all your life. I have. But now I know. Peace. Without Jesus we wouldn't have it. For that I am thankful. If you have Jesus in your heart and life~Will the storms stay away? No. They will still come. But when you have Jesus, he helps you through. When I breathe my last time here on Earth~I know where I will be the next minute in eternity...Do you? <3

"Jesus Christ, righteous Jesus. When he served as a sacrifice for our sins, he solved the sin problem for good—not only ours, but the whole world's" 1 John 2:2

Make my Vapor Count

I haven't blogged in a few days because my heart wasn't in it. I decided when I started this a long time ago, that I wasn't going to blog negativity. Well, that is where I have been lately. Pretty Negative. You know the saying "When it rains it pours"? That doesn't even touch where I have been lately...If that saying is true, I have been stuck in the middle of a hurricane....and can't get out...Today, for whatever reason, seems a little better. I thought about writing about all of the things that have went wrong in the past couple of days...but decided against it. What good does it do to complain? It gets us nowhere...And you know what? As hard as it seems to believe. There is a purpose. God has a purpose for everything that my family has had to endure. I read this quote last night~"Just because God takes you on a detour, it doesn’t mean He’s changed His mind about your destination. The final word on your life is not going to be the detours you experience. It’s going to be the destination God uses them to take you to." It is true. Trials open your eyes. Those experiences that happen to every one else...They can happen to you. And when they do~you realize a lot of things. "For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appeareth for a little time, and then vanishes away (James 4:14). So true. "Soon this life as we know it shall pass … only what’s done for Jesus will last.” Yes, I am full of quotes today...but I know that I didn't see them all in the past 24 hours by coincidence. No way. God constantly amazes me with His faithfulness. I just want to be all I can be for Him.

Sometimes we sit back and think, How can God use me? I am just....or I can't....but....We are full of excuses....We give excuses for everything...Reasons we can't serve in our church. That hits home with a lot of people. There are enough people at church doing things...They don't realize that I have a job and three kids to take care of, the extracurricular activities we have....I mean, I am like a taxi driver...plus my family needs me to spend time with them ......yeah, Truth hurts. I'm speaking to myself too...So don't get offended.  For us to be all that God wants us to be~we need to spend time with Him and in His word. and with His people. and SERVE. Really? Yep. It's simple. That verse that says "Life is but a vapor...." I really want to make my vapor count. =)

I don't want to be a part of a church that sits back and let's things happen. I want to be a church that goes out, and tells others about our Father. If we knew someone who has cancer, and we have the cure for it...We wouldn't keep that cure to ourselves. We would share it with the world. So they could be healed. I don't see a difference. We have a Savior. Who died on the cross for our sins. He did it for us. All we have to do is trust in Him. Believe. And he has the "cure for our lost souls" Salvation. Eternity in Heaven with Him.

 I lost my brother in law 2 months ago today. Suddenly. To a brain aneurysm. I hate the situation, the sadness, the grief. My sister's family being incomplete. But Shaun became a Christian. and knowing that, having that peace in my heart~means I will see him again. I will get to put my arms around his neck, and tell him that he was a brother to me....drop the "in-law" part ;) And he will tell me I am "mean"...and I will say "Bull!"...(on going joke between Shaun and I) But HOW does someone face death without that peace? I don't know. That is where, we, as Christians, need to step up. "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,  and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20

I have heard this song...so many times in the past day or so...and it makes me cry every time I hear it...Remind me Who I am. Watch the video if you have time. But there are so many people out there hurting. Dealing with so much. Sometimes it is someone right beside you. and we just need Him to Remind us...Who we are...To Him. <3 I am the One He loves<3

When I lose my way
When I forget my name
Remind me who I am
In the mirror all I see
is who I don’t wanna be
Remind me who I am

In the loneliest places
When I can’t remember what grace is

Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
I belong to You
To You

When my heart is like a stone
and I’m running far from home
Remind me who I am
When I can’t receive Your love
Afraid I’ll never be enough
Remind me who I am

If I’m Your beloved
Can You help me believe it

Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
I belong to You
To You

I’m the one You love
I’m the one You love
That will be enough

Remember When

17 years.

Wow.

I guess that shows how old I am. James and I were married 17 years ago tomorrow. I could write this big long romantic post...but most people that know us, know our "story"...We met in Spanish class at Central High School. I didn't like him. He was annoying...Things haven't changed in the annoying department. ;) But we grew to be good friends. Nothing more. He would call me, and tell me who he "liked" and do a practice run on asking her out....I would pretend to be "her"...and tell him how he sounded...ect. LOL...I was brutally honest too. But I dated other guys. He dated other girls. But our friendship was always there. He would give me advice. I would listen. I decided to look up the word friendship in Websters(this one is for you Kristie) and it said" the mutual feelings of trust and affection and the behavior that typify relationships between friends". We had that. But it didn't take long before it became more....We were best friends for about 2 years, and then our relationship went to another level. Our families went to the beach at the same time....and that is where James told me he loved me. I wasn't ready for that. But I was ready to try it. I mean, how can you go wrong by dating your best friend in the world? I was afraid. Afraid that if it didn't work out, I would lose that friendship. But even then, 17 years ago, I knew that God had brought James into my life. =) And for that I am SO thankful.

We have come so far. From our little one room apartment in Johnson City...to being the parents of 3 beautiful children....our blessings far outweigh our trials. And trials are definitely a part of our life right now. Losing a family member suddenly, who was too young to die. (in our worldly thought process) finances falling apart around us, transmission goes out in our van, having a brain aneurysm, 8 days in ICU, more bills coming, in search of full-time job with no luck, the list goes on and on....But, all of that makes my blessings all the more. I have a wonderful husband, who loves me NO matter the trials we have. Three amazing children, who understand that things are rough right now, but love us anyway. Ian even offered us all of his birthday money to help us out~said we needed it more than he did. God is Good. All the time. We say that all the time, but it's true. He is right here with us in the middle of this mess. He is going to get us through it. I am holding on to that. Believing it.

In the midst of all the stuff going on in our lives, I am coming up on August 20 tomorrow. The day that I married my best friend. The day that my life changed forever. The happiest day of my life. Everything may not be perfect. But when I look into James eyes, no matter what is going on. I know that we will be ok. He has been my rock during all of this. When I couldn't walk, he helped me. He took care of me while I was sick. He didn't leave my side. I write this, and can't help but wipe the tears as they flow down my cheeks. I feel guilty because my sister has lost the love of her life. I wish I could take that all away. I don't understand it. It just isn't fair. But knowing the love that she had, and talking with her every day about it. She would say Love your husband. Tell him every day. Don't take what you have for granted. We don't know what the next day holds let alone the next hour.

So, today, I want to say...

James, I love you more than you will ever know. When you walked into my life 17 years ago, I never knew how blessed I would be to have you. God had a plan for us. I am so glad that he chose you for me. That plan is still in progress. We are called to do God's work. You and I both know that. I am so excited to see this next phase of our lives roll out in front of us. We are closer to God than we ever have been. Knowing that, I am so exited about where He is leading us. You started as my best friend, and you still are my best friend. But now you are the absolute LOVE of my life. I love everything about you. (even if sometimes it doesn't seem that way) You are my rock. Thank you for making the last 17 years, the best ones of my life. Thank you for being the best daddy in the world. For loving our kids above any thing else. For loving me unconditionally. God has been good to us. and for that I am thankful. We don't realize the blessings that we have been given. Sometimes life is hard, but with each other, we can do anything. As long as we always put God first. You are a blessing to me. and today I want to tell you that. I love you James Allen. Now and Forever....

Happy Anniversary! Here's our favorite song....Remember When....<3

Remember when I was young and so were you
And time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when

Remember when we vowed the vows and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start and it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when

Remember when old ones died and new were born
And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged
We came together, fell apart
And broke each other's hearts
Remember when

Remember when the sound of little feet was the music
We danced to week to week
Brought back the love, we found trust
Vowed we'd never give it up
Remember when
Remember when thirty seemed so old
Now lookin' back, it's just a steppin' stone
To where we are, where we've been
Said we'd do it all again
Remember when

Remember when we said when we turned gray
When the children grow up and move away
We won't be sad, we'll be glad
For all the life we've had
And we'll remember when
I love you James!

I am just a Girl...

*warning....lots of rambling....
I have been amazed at the number of emails, cards, facebook messages, gifts that I have received over the past few weeks. James and I truly had no idea how many people really care about us. Amazing.

When we just live normal, non-eventful lives, we just go through the motions. We get up, get ready, drink our coffee, get the kids ready for whatever they have to do that day...Go do our "stuff", come home, go to whatever extracurricular events we have....settle in for the night...go to bed...then do a Repeat. Do we ever think about God during the course of one of our "non-eventful" days? I can honestly say, I didn't. I mean, yes, we went to church on Sunday, and we prayed before we ate~but to SERIOUSLY think about God during the course of the day...Not so much.

But let an "event" happen. A life-altering event. Thursday morning...8 weeks ago...my brother-in-law died. I got that dreadful 4am phone call....the one that wakes you up from a deep sleep. The one that makes your heart start beating in your throat, because you know that no one calls at that time of the morning. Our lives immediately changed. One minute, asleep-the next minute~Your life turns down a completely different path. And we are forced to make a decision. To turn to God.When everything was going along just the way we thought it should...We didn't seem to see the importance of Him in our lives. But let something happen, and then WHERE is He? Why did He let this happen? Prayer? Of course we are going to pray...What else can we do? This is out of our control. We now know that we NEED Him. But my storm didn't stop there. I was so broken for my sister. She and I are  closer now than we EVER have been. We have deep discussions about Jesus, and His love for us. What our purpose is in this life we have been given? I have always loved her. Why did it take something traumatic for me to realize how much? I wish I knew the answers.

Then James and I were running...trying to "get in shape" wanting to be healthy, so I can be here for my children. Wanting to teach them that exercise is important....ect. and then I had the dreaded "worst headache of my life". Numbness. Tingling in my arms. Neck Pain. ER. Aneurysm. ICU. MRI. CT. IV's. Blood work. An onslaught of words that I have used all my life in my job~never expected to hear people using those words around me. While I lay in a hospital bed. One minute~running~next minute...life goes down completely different path. Again. Why? If I had the answer to that question...I would be one happy girl.

I pretty much had a break down yesterday. I have received a number of emails of people telling me what an inspiration I have been to them, amazed at how strong I am...ect. Let me tell you, if any of you had seen me yesterday~you wouldn't have been inspired. I promise. Crying. Depressed. I don't understand why all of these things have had to happen to our family. I know I can say that God is in control (and I know he is) But that doesn't make all the sadness go away. There is so much more than people outside our home know about. Things that can overwhelm you in a way that is unexplainable. I definitely don't want people to think I "have this thing together" Because BELIEVE ME...I don't. I am trying. Praying. But I don't have the answers...and I wish I did. I need a job. FULL time. But the doctor has me off work until after Labor day. Finances. Huge burden to us right now. Depression~another thing that I personally have to deal with. Have for years. But throw in losing your brother in law to an aneurysm, the transmission on the van going out on the way to the funeral(no, I am not kidding), coming home and having a possible aneurysm yourself. Spending 8 days in ICU. Medical bills. the list goes on...but I won't bore you with it. Needless to say, the depression has somewhat kicked in...plus the crazy medicine that they have me on every 4 hours around the clock....guess what? side effect? depression...Great. right? lol....On top of lack of sleep...too...I can talk about what a pitiful mess we are in...can wonder why it all had to happen to us...That won't help anything...and I know that.

James and I were having a talk yesterday afternoon...I was opening the mail while we were talking...and I opened a card someone had sent me. The card was from a friend that I haven't talked to in some time....and the card was like a message from God. He said, "I'm in control of all of this. I promise. Be Still. Trust Me." And there was some money in the card. The exact amount that we needed to pay a bill that was due. Crazy to some, but it was all it took for me to realize that God's got this. I know it. When I get down and out. And want to climb in my bed, and go to sleep, because it is easier than dealing with everything that we are facing. God is here. Sitting beside me. Holding my hand. Telling me that "Everything is going to be all right". I know that. I just need Him to remind me every once in a while....hmmmm...maybe every day would be better....=)

I don't want to just "go through the motions" I want to do what God wants me to do with my life. Now. Don't wait on a storm to come into your life. Do it now. He has a plan for us, and all I want to do is be in His will. I don't have it all together. I am just a girl~in the middle of a storm~holding onto my Savior to get through<3