Have had a lot on my mind the past few days...and now that I am finally off work for a few days, thought I would make an attempt to get it down.
My sister was in this weekend. Was so glad to see her even though the time seemed to pass so quickly. She shared her testimony with our Sunday School class, and also spoke during the service. I am so proud of her<3 We have been through so very much together, over the years. But I think the year 2011 goes down in the books. It has been so difficult for her and her precious children. My problems don't even seem to compare. I have had my fair share of rough "stuff" this year, but even during my hard times, my sister was my rock. She had been through so much herself, but always seemed to find a way to make me feel better. Lift me up. Make me smile. And for that, I am thankful. I so wish I could take away all of the hurt that she has had to experience. It just doesn't seem fair. Happiness is hard to come by in this world. I pray for her and her children daily. God is in control. I know that. Tonight is just one of those nights where it is just so difficult to understand. I Love you Kristie...More than you know<3
Work has gotten to me lately. I know I should be thankful for a job. I am. I promise. But...When you feel that God is calling you to do something else. It is so difficult to keep on "keeping on" for lack of a better way to say it. I feel like I am doing the same thing over and over and getting nowhere. Crazy? Probably to some. But I really don't know a better way to explain it. Worrying and anxiety are still things I deal with because of the aneurysm "event"....Just a lot on my mind and in my heart...Sometimes its overwhelming. Today was one of those days. Emotionally...spent.
Amazing to me that I was feeling this way today, pulled out my phone and checked my facebook...and there were two posts there from two different friends...about this VERY thing. God is up to something, I know it. One was a devotion titled, Are you tired of Waiting on God?...Really? With the verse....Isaiah 40:31, “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”<3 The other was the quote...."When everything seems to be falling apart, that is when God is putting things together, just the way He wants them"<3
Struggling with some things, praying, and hoping to "get it right". Thankful He is opening my eyes. Praying to see life through His Eyes. Daily. Knowing He wants to use me to help share His love. Blessed with so much. <3
Haven't blogged in a while...This work thing seems to be taking up a lot of my free time...I am not a big fan of it. Ha ha...but I do know that God has given me this opportunity to help us financially at a time when we need it. So I simply do my best not to complain. =)
Couple things on my mind. Nothing deep...Just needed to get it out. My children are involved in a number of sports. Football. Cheerleading. Wrestling. One thing that completely makes me crazy is to be sitting at one of these events, and listening to the people around me. I honestly wish I could turn my ears off. But I can't. All of the voices around me. Negativity. Seriously. I was at the ball game the other night, and heard a parent comparing our cheer team to the other cheer team. In a negative way. Even stated that this was the first game that they brought their family to, and they were "embarrassed". Hmmmm. I am not impressed. This almost triggered a letter to the editor from me. But then, I thought better of it. Just decided to vent on my blog...Not as many readers...lol...But When your children are involved in something~no matter what it is. Why would you do something to bring them down? I have one child with self esteem issues anyway. Why would I say something negative about them? Kids in our nation today have so much going on in their lives, so much negative from everyone else. Why would they need it from their parents? I just don't get it. We may not be the best cheer team in the city. But my daughter is on the team, and I am proud of her. For who she is. What she stands for. And her cheering skills are pretty good to me! All of the girls did an exceptional job as far as I am concerned. I don't tend to compare to others though. I sure am glad God doesn't do that. If we were compared to some of the great men and women of God out there. I am sure that a lot of us wouldn't measure up. That is one of my little issues of the week...
The other one is....why can't people just get along? When you work with someone~don't make it so difficult to get along. I like to avoid conflict, but the best way to do that is keep your mouth shut. =) Not always the best at that one personally...but if you remove yourself from a situation where there is conflict...You definitley will be better off for it. Don't get in the middle of it. Don't take sides. Just thing about how Jesus would handle the situation. Pray. and Stay out of it. Enough Said. =)
I am very opinionated. I feel strongly about certain things. I just want my kids to learn what matters in life. To be vessels for God. Learn to face problems alone..You don't have to "fit in". It is better to be yourself. Than be like everyone else. .Knowing that even though they feel alone-that God is on their side. Praying about this a lot this week.
God is working on my heart. In more ways than one. I have made a conscious effort to pull away from photography for the past couple of months. I don't want to DO something if it isn't what I think God has planned for me. Funny thing is...Photography keeps coming up. Over and OVER....So, I am going to try it again. It doesn't pay the bills. It doesn't get me into Mission work(yet anyway;) that is so where my heart is right now) I can't depend on it 100%. But my heart is filled when I have a camera in my hand. I love the feeling of running through a field with a child to capture that perfect laugh. I love the feeling of seeing family photos in the homes of my friends. That fills my heart. I was sharing this with a friend the other day...and she said, But How do you feel when you are doing photography? I honestly have thought about that. Alot. I get a high when I do a session. I get back into the car, smiling, flipping through my camera...to see what images I like the most. I drive home with my windows down. Praise music playing. Smiling. Happy. Is God in it? Yes. As long as I continue to give it ALL to Him. The name of my business says it all~His Eyes Photography. I want to see the world through His Eyes. If it takes me picking up my camera again to do that. I am ready. <3 Details to come soon.
I posted yesterday about how I had listened to a few different speakers, and they have ALL spoken on the same subject....Which was the topic I wrote about yesterday....Well, today, I got off work early, so I decided to take advantage of my quiet time...and pulled up my devotion for today...You know it before I say it...But it is also....the same topic...CRAZY! I truly think God is trying to tell me something...So, I am going to do my best this time....to listen<3 Pray for James and I as we try to determine what it is we are supposed to be doing. =) We both feel the same way~We just want God to use us. Praying daily. Here is a copy of the devotion....from Proverbs 31 Ministries<3
Back to Fishing
’I'm going out to fish,’ Simon Peter told them, and they said, ‘We’ll go with you.’ So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing." John 21:3 (NIV)
Have you ever found yourself in a place where all your hopes and dreams have fallen apart? What did you do?
Jesus’ disciple Peter had betrayed his Lord, and watched Him die. Now Jesus was gone. So what did he do? In John 21, we see Peter going back to what he was doing before he met Him. I sometimes wonder what he must’ve been thinking as he sat aboard the fishing boat and scanned the horizon.
Did he wonder if it was all just a dream? Did he worry about the future? He had been at a spiritual pinnacle—walking with Jesus, hearing from Jesus, planning for a future that included Jesus. But in the blink of an eye, he and his comrades were back to their old pursuits as though nothing had happened at all.
God was still at work, but during this time He let Peter and the other disciples go back to fishing. He let them have those days of wondering and worrying. He allowed them to scan the horizon looking for Him—and find nothing. For a time He allowed them to feel alone and even forsaken.
When we feel that way, we tend to go back to what we knew before. We might go back to old habits or old friends who weren’t necessarily the best for us. We might go back to old pursuits or old crutches that once propped us up. We might be like Peter and find ourselves sitting in a place we never thought we’d see again.
And yet, this time, something is different. This time there is that glimmer of hope that—while we might have gone back—we don’t have to stay back.
I love that this story ends with Jesus on the beach waiting for Peter and his friends to stop fishing and come to Him. And, when Peter saw Jesus, he jumped out of the boat to get to Him.
Perhaps you’ve walked away from your own dreams and returned to what is familiar. Maybe disappointment or failure has left you wondering where God is. I hope you will cling to this story today. I hope that as you scan your horizon, you will see God waiting for you to return to Him. And when you do, you will run towards Him as fast as you can.
He may have let you go through an alone time. He may have allowed you to wonder if He was still there. But in that time, I pray that the flicker of hope did not die out for you. You may have gone back to "fishing," but He doesn’t want you to stay there. He’s got so much more for you to do. He is still at work. His plans involve going forward, not going back.
Dear Lord, I have felt alone and forgotten. I have wondered if any of my spiritual experiences were real. I’ve gone back to what’s familiar because it was all I knew to do. But I know You don’t want to leave me there. I want to see You when I scan the horizon. And when I do, help me to have the courage to run toward You as fast as I can. I trust that You still have a plan for me. And that plan involves going forward, not going back. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Haven't blogged in a few weeks..Not because I haven't had a lot on my mind =) I have finally went back to work....and our schedules and pure exhaustion simply got the best of me.
One thing that I truly valued during my time that I was off work~due to my illness~was my quiet time with God. I had plenty of it. AND I definitely used my time wisely. Isn't it funny how in a crisis situation we realize our need for God in our lives. We pray. Alot. We read our Bibles. Alot. And then this crazy thing called "normal" starts creeping back into our lives, and we slowly grow away from what was such a difficult lesson to learn in the first place. I can feel this starting to happen in my life~and I don't want it anywhere near me<3 I want to continue the pathway that I feel like God has put me on. I don't want to allow this "normal" way of life to come back. Bad things happen. I have had my fair share of them lately. But I have grown so much because of them. I want to use what I have gained. To be more bold for Christ. I mean, in all seriousness, I really could not be here today. I had a subdural brain hemmorage. A condition that many people die of. Why didn't I? Because God has a purpose for me. He has a purpose for all of us. We just have to make an effort to figure out what it is.
I listen to a number of pastors on a weekly basis (Daniel Floyd~My sister's pastor, Steven Furtick~Pastor of Elevation Church)...plus our own church, and Sunday school class....I am learning to realize that all things truly happen for a reason...I have always known this, but when you see it happening in your life, over and over again....It just makes it more concrete. The two pastors that I watch online, plus the guest pastor that was at our church yesterday, plus our Sunday school lesson....ALL speaking about the same topic. Seriously? I mean...when I started watching my last one this morning....I got all teary. It's like, "Ok, God...I get it...I believe you are talking to me...." =)
Somewhere along the way...We start "living" life...and stop dreaming.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11
We settle for the routine day to day life...and we don't run for the dream God has for us.
The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. Psalm 37:23-24
We are NOT here just to Be. We are here to make an impact with our lives. For Jesus. Not just to exist in this world.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. Psalm 32:8
We are not to be afraid that we can't. Because He said....I can do all this through him who gives me strength.Phillipians 4:13
We all face tough times. I have recently. I have dreams. Big ones. I want to reach people for Jesus. Was ready to face the world...or so I thought...
Then my brother in law passed....my van transmission went out, I had a subdural hemmorage, finances headed south, Unable to work for some time....my fire went out for what I personally could do. During all of this, my relationship with God grew so much. Spiritually I felt closer than ever...But physically, felt as if I was pretty much helpless... But my situation seemed pretty hopeless for me to get to "pursue" some of these dreams I have. So, here I am~back to nursing...because it pays the bills. Being a "taxi driver" for my kids. Laundry. Dishes. Housework. You know the list. We all have one.
But I heard this today...and it sure hit home. In the Bible, Peter denied Jesus three times. I am sure he was overwhelmed with regret after Jesus died on the cross. After Jesus' death on the cross, Peter went back to fishing. Not thinking about everything that Jesus taught him. That was what he did before. That was his normal. His routine. His comfort zone. What came easy for him. Until that day he saw Jesus on the shore. When he realized it was Him. He jumped out of the boat. <3 And ran to Him. (John 21-1-17) Love this part. Because even though he went back to what was easy...Once He realzied that the Lord was there. With Him. He jumped out of the boat (comfort zone) and ran to Christ (His calling)...To me...that is just amazing<3 Jesus is on my shore...waiting for me to run to Him. He doesn't want me to sit in my comfort zone...and just simply exist. He wants me to Live my Dream. Be all I can be for Him. Be committed. Don't sit and think about what I can do. LIVE it. I don't want to go back to what is comfortable. I want to do what God has called me to do. God wants us to be OUT of our comfort zone...Because ultimately that is where we serve Him the best.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
This is my prayer today. I am struggling with this one. James and I are praying and searching for His will in some things. Knowing God is in it. Looking forward to seeing where He is going to take us. Because....
Where You go, I'll go
Where You stay, I'll stay
When You move, I'll move
I will follow... =)
I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.
I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.
Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.
I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.
Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.
I usually don't title my blog posts until after they are written..But today is different...last night during church, while listening to our pastor, I came up with my title...Don't judge me, I was paying attention in church, even taking notes....because I am a note taking kind of girl...I take notes to keep my mind on track. You should see the books I read...I take notes in them too...sometimes with colored pencils...because it makes me smile =) and for no reason other than that =)
But the title came to me during church because of the content of the sermon. Our pastor was speaking about a subject that lots of people like to avoid...When your last minute on Earth comes, where will you spend the next minute? Your first minute of eternity? Heaven? or Hell? Yes. That is a deep question. A question that a lot of people would rather not think about...Not now. Now, I am busy with all of this stuff that I have going on in my life. Lots of things to do. You know, Stuff.
We can go about our daily lives. Doing the "stuff" that we consider important...and completely ignore the eternity question? But like I have told my children about lots of things....ignoring something doesn't make it go away...It doesn't mean that it won't happen. It will. Death isn't something that any of us can avoid. It happens to everyone at some time or another.
My PERSPECTIVE has been changed. Life altering events have a good way of doing that. Believe me, I have had my share of them in the past couple of months. Like I have said before, you can be living life one day, and fighting for it the next. Crazy how that works. But it is so. Don't wait until something happens. Perspective Changers aren't fun. Period. They hurt. They are difficult. And sometimes seem unfair. BUT ~ Has my perspective been changed? Definitely. God gives us so much that we don't thank him for. Family, friends, jobs, cars....the list could go on. But the key to that statement is that He gives it to us. When you lose a family member, or a friend, a job, or even something as simple as a car~you miss it. You realize the value it had in your life. The importance of it. Like the song, "You don't know what you've got until it's gone"...So true. Don't wait until it's gone. Make the desicion to follow Jesus today. Without Him in my life~these past few months~I honestly don't know where I would have been. I have been in His word, and prayed more than I have in my life. Why does it take a "perspective changer" to cause this change in my mind? I wish I knew. But I would love for you to realize it before hand. He is here. For you. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life inChrist Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23 I know that these are things you have heard all your life. I have. But now I know. Peace. Without Jesus we wouldn't have it. For that I am thankful. If you have Jesus in your heart and life~Will the storms stay away? No. They will still come. But when you have Jesus, he helps you through. When I breathe my last time here on Earth~I know where I will be the next minute in eternity...Do you? <3
"Jesus Christ, righteous Jesus. When he served as a sacrifice for our sins, he solved the sin problem for good—not only ours, but the whole world's" 1 John 2:2
I haven't blogged in a few days because my heart wasn't in it. I decided when I started this a long time ago, that I wasn't going to blog negativity. Well, that is where I have been lately. Pretty Negative. You know the saying "When it rains it pours"? That doesn't even touch where I have been lately...If that saying is true, I have been stuck in the middle of a hurricane....and can't get out...Today, for whatever reason, seems a little better. I thought about writing about all of the things that have went wrong in the past couple of days...but decided against it. What good does it do to complain? It gets us nowhere...And you know what? As hard as it seems to believe. There is a purpose. God has a purpose for everything that my family has had to endure. I read this quote last night~"Just because God takes you on a detour, it doesn’t mean He’s changed His mind about your destination. The final word on your life is not going to be the detours you experience. It’s going to be the destination God uses them to take you to." It is true. Trials open your eyes. Those experiences that happen to every one else...They can happen to you. And when they do~you realize a lot of things. "For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appeareth for a little time, and then vanishes away (James 4:14). So true. "Soon this life as we know it shall pass … only what’s done for Jesus will last.” Yes, I am full of quotes today...but I know that I didn't see them all in the past 24 hours by coincidence. No way. God constantly amazes me with His faithfulness. I just want to be all I can be for Him.
Sometimes we sit back and think, How can God use me? I am just....or I can't....but....We are full of excuses....We give excuses for everything...Reasons we can't serve in our church. That hits home with a lot of people. There are enough people at church doing things...They don't realize that I have a job and three kids to take care of, the extracurricular activities we have....I mean, I am like a taxi driver...plus my family needs me to spend time with them ......yeah, Truth hurts. I'm speaking to myself too...So don't get offended. For us to be all that God wants us to be~we need to spend time with Him and in His word. and with His people. and SERVE. Really? Yep. It's simple. That verse that says "Life is but a vapor...." I really want to make my vapor count. =)
I don't want to be a part of a church that sits back and let's things happen. I want to be a church that goes out, and tells others about our Father. If we knew someone who has cancer, and we have the cure for it...We wouldn't keep that cure to ourselves. We would share it with the world. So they could be healed. I don't see a difference. We have a Savior. Who died on the cross for our sins. He did it for us. All we have to do is trust in Him. Believe. And he has the "cure for our lost souls" Salvation. Eternity in Heaven with Him.
I lost my brother in law 2 months ago today. Suddenly. To a brain aneurysm. I hate the situation, the sadness, the grief. My sister's family being incomplete. But Shaun became a Christian. and knowing that, having that peace in my heart~means I will see him again. I will get to put my arms around his neck, and tell him that he was a brother to me....drop the "in-law" part ;) And he will tell me I am "mean"...and I will say "Bull!"...(on going joke between Shaun and I) But HOW does someone face death without that peace? I don't know. That is where, we, as Christians, need to step up. "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20
I have heard this song...so many times in the past day or so...and it makes me cry every time I hear it...Remind me Who I am. Watch the video if you have time. But there are so many people out there hurting. Dealing with so much. Sometimes it is someone right beside you. and we just need Him to Remind us...Who we are...To Him. <3 I am the One He loves<3
When I lose my way
When I forget my name
Remind me who I am
In the mirror all I see
is who I don’t wanna be
Remind me who I am
In the loneliest places
When I can’t remember what grace is
Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
I belong to You
To You
When my heart is like a stone
and I’m running far from home
Remind me who I am
When I can’t receive Your love
Afraid I’ll never be enough
Remind me who I am
If I’m Your beloved
Can You help me believe it
Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
I belong to You
To You
I’m the one You love
I’m the one You love
That will be enough
I am a 37 year old mother of three. Wife to my high school sweetheart. Christian who loves my Lord. Wanting to grow and learn to love and serve him more each day.
