One Year Ago...

Ok, who would have thought I would post 2 blog entries in one day? =) I was looking at my old blog, and came upon this post...that I wrote, one year ago today...Crazy...But amazing to me..Had to share...

My Plan or His

"I know, I am a blog slacker....Who knows if anyone out there in blog world even reads this blog any longer? I am not sure, and as of right now, don't care =) Writing is therapeutic sometimes, and I just felt the need to get this down...for me, if nothing else.....

Sometimes I feel as if God's "Plan" for my life....has never been put into action....My plan is the one I chose to live.....instead of His......I know that sounds crazy to some...I have a beautiful family, a home, job, wonderful church family....shouldn't have anything to complain about...and really, as far as those things go, I don't...but something is missing...Now, if I knew WHAT that something is, I wouldn't be posting this....I have felt this way for some time now....and until lately, completely ignored the thoughts....You know how it is when you think that God is speaking to you, but what he is saying seems somewhat "crazy"? or a little "out there"? I mean why would God want me to do anything other than raise my family, go to work, go to church....and just "be"....I have this gut feeling, He wants more...


I read blogs...I may not post on mine as much as I read others, but there are some amazing blog writers out there....and yesterday, one inparticular touched on this subject. Facing fears, listening to God, not only listening-but doing....That could be scary. really. Stepping outside the "comfort zone" of our lives, trusting God, and giving ourselves to Him....I have dealt with this for years...thinking it was my job, that I needed to "step outside of", maybe a friendship that wasn't working-that I needed to "step away from"-so many times, I thought I was doing what He was asking-"stepping outside my comfort zone"....I stepped a different way, but never to the point of being uncomfortable....where I needed to TOTALLY depend on Him....I have never considered the thought of a bigger step....a MUCH bigger step....


While I was in NYC last summer...I was uncomfortable....That pretty much is the most uncomfortable I have ever been....James got us settled in, then he came home to work for a few weeks before coming back....so there I was, with my 9 year old daughter, in an apartment as big as my laundry room, where I knew no one...and was supposed to "live"....Believe me, in the beginning, I thought to myself, " I am just going to stay in the apartment, until James come back"....but quickly realized that wasn't possible...We were there for Macey, because we truly felt God led us on this journey...So, how could I, in fear, not follow Him....Well, at that moment, when she and I were in tears, missing James, and the boys~it hit me...This is it...I am NOW outside my comfort zone....So now what? What he wanted for all these years....We gave it ALL to him....We got on our knees and began praying...me and Macey...we prayed for James' safety back home, we prayed for the boys, we prayed for our "journey" as we took on NYC alone....We began to pray, as if God was right there with us...We would recieve calls for auditions, in parts of town that I wasn't familiar with...We prayed that we would get on the right subway, take the right paths-to make the auditions on time....We prayed for everything...We prayed that God would show us to a church, where we could learn more about him, worship him, and grow closer to him during this time of change in our lives....I can honestly say....NYC was a blessing...Macey did amazing modeling, ect....but the true reason, I was outside my comfort zone, and had NO ONE but HIM to depend on...turn to...and He was there...We are planning on heading to the Big Apple again soon....entering another step in this crazy journey of ours....but I still don't think that is it...not the Big "Plan" he has in store for us...

God is moving. I am listening...and this time hoping to....go."

Love that...That was written before Haiti, before my Photography opportunity....That made me smile. Because of how far I have come...Good Stuff =) (for anyone who is interested-the link to my old blog is http://www.allenfamilyof5.blogspot.com/)

Keep On

I have been down lately...Wanting to get things "Going" with my photography business, but just seems like one thing after another gets in the way...I knew that was going to happen...Hurdles are definitely in front of me...Especially because I am doing what God wants me to do. He wants me here. He wants me to depend on Him to guide me through this journey. I know that. I have never been more sure of anything....I just get angry because I can't seem to get past this....So frustrating...I want more than anything to get the studio finished...move all my "stuff" over there...Get my amazing desk (I got from a dumpster) Move my backgrounds and lights, have an "Open House" and start working from there 3 or 4 days a week...Shooting sessions, viewings, and even display some of the AMAZING things I can order...that I have never been able to do before...due to lack of space...But one thing after another keeps getting in my way...finances, washing machine torn up, schedules, sickness, James had a fender bender, which is more $...you name it...ugh...even our commode has torn up....seriously???? I have had the sign for my studio in my den for almost 2 weeks...and we just can't seem to find the time to get over there and get it up...Along with the other things I need to do....I read this today...and it really spoke to me...so I decided to share it here....

"High mountains can be just as difficult and challenging as low valleys.

Most people tend to associate difficult times in their lives with the idea of being in a valley. Maybe it’s a time of depression. Maybe you’ve lost your job or are struggling financially. Maybe your job performance is just suffering. Or maybe you have neglected your walk with God and now you feel distant.

And it’s true. These seasons are hard. Terribly hard. You don’t know if there will ever be a light at the end of the tunnel. And if it’s coming, it can’t come quickly enough.

But there’s a truth no one ever seems to mention: climbing the mountain is also challenging. The light at the end of the tunnel isn’t a mountaintop you suddenly arrive at with no work involved. It’s the base of the mountain that you now have to climb. And one that you’ll always be climbing.

The times of success in your life and the times when God is blessing you can be just as challenging as the times in the valley. Just in a different way, because now you’re going uphill.

And even when you make it to the so-called mountaintop, it isn’t easy there either. For example, this past Christmas, we saw over 1100 people receive Christ in three days. A definite mountaintop. And then we had to follow up with them and maintain our momentum to reach even more people. Still challenging.

Here’s the truth we want to avoid at all costs:
It’s all hard.

The valleys and the mountains. The low points and getting to the high points and staying at the high points. In the valley you’re trying to survive. And in the mountains you’re trying to thrive. Neither is a walk in the park.

That’s not very encouraging. So why share it?

Because it’s reality. Because it confronts an inane line of thinking that many of us cling to: that life is going to one day get to the point where it’s easy. If that’s what we’re waiting for, we’re going to be waiting a long time.

The goal of life isn’t to make it to a point where we can breathe easy. It’s to get to heaven breathless. Tired because we’ve been faithfully and passionately following God – through valleys and mountains.

So yes, it’s always hard. But our reward in the future makes it worth it. We’ll rest then. And we’ll push on now.

Besides, God is doing more in you and through you in your mountains and valleys than you can possibly imagine. That alone should give you joy. No matter where you’re at." Steven Furtick http://www.stevenfurtick.com/

I just love that...I know He is in all of this...I just want to keep on "keeping on" Because I know in my heart what I am meant to do <3

Be the Change....

Change. To cause to be different. To give a completely different form or appearance to. To be different. To lay aside or abandon. To make RADICALLY different.

I looked up a few definitions of what Change means....and realized I know I want to change. God has given me so much, and I tend to just "go through the motions" of life. We get up, fix breakfast, go to work, take the kids to school, "do our day", then pick the kids up, fix dinner, run to whatever sporting event we have that day, homework, feed pets, baths, bed. Get up the next day, and do it all again. I don't want to sound negative (although on these rainy dreary days, I do tend to get a little down) but I want more than that. I want my kids to have more than that. That is a goal I have made for myself. I can honestly sit here and say that I have made some changes. I have stepped out on faith in a few areas of my life. I ventured to a foreign country, following God's call...and He has done nothing but "rock my world" since. =) I know that I have a l-o-n-g way to go, but the results that I have seen, just by making these changes are life altering. I can't make it through a day without spending time in His word.. That may sound crazy to you, if you haven't done it. I don't mean, just opening the Bible, reading something, and marking it off your to do list. I have been there, done that...It helped my OCD tendencies, but didn't help me at all with my Christian walk. Do it. Seriously pray before opening your Bible. Ask Him to teach you something today as you get into His word. He will. It happens to me DAILY. I promise. I can tell you about my experiences all day, but until you do it yourself. That's when you will be amazed. I want my kids to understand how important this is in their lives as well...I know that spending time with anyone increases the stability of that relationship. Your husband. your kids. your friends. Why not Jesus? It works. =)
I want to use the talent that He has given me to share His love with as many people as I come into contact with. He is telling me to do that with my Photography Business...I know that I may not be the best out there. I may not make the most money. I may not have the most elaborate equipment. I may not have all of the professional "titles" after my name. Sometimes those things bother me, but more than all of that-I do have Jesus. He is on my side. Guiding me along this journey. I often compare my journey to the Israelites  They complained, He stepped in. They complained. He came to their rescue. Over and over....I wonder if when they got to the Red Sea....if when the water parted. Did they complain about getting mud on their shoes? Wondering what they would have to face when they got to the other side? Worrying about how they would deal with what would happen next? Or did they just take the BIG step of faith, and go forward...probably running...Knowing HE was with them.. I think that's what they did.  That's what I want to do. I want to
Be The Change....I want to see in the World.
Share Him Daily. <3

Available

Available-Being willing to start where you are, use what you have, and do the best you can

I want to be Available.

I just read the following...

"Don't limit yourself in God's service simply because you come from a small town, the inner city, or a place tucked away in hopelessness.  It is just like God to take the smallest and least of His creation and turn it into something great and significant. It makes no difference where you are from.  All that really counts is, Where are you going? Why are you going? and Who is going with you? After all, God never makes a mistake.  If you're in sync with God, He will empower you and arm you with all that's necessary to give it a go." ~Franklin Graham, Living Beyond the Limits 

"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. "(1 Peter 4:10-11)



That hits home with me right now. I know that God has been telling me to take a leap of faith, and to follow Him. Giving up a secure job, to do something that has no job security. Knowing what I should do, and having the mind set that I can do it has been difficult. Staying in His word is causing me to see things in a different light. I am in awe of how He speaks to us through His word. I have heard this all my life. Like I have said before, until you put it into action. You don't really understand it. Pastors, Sunday School teachers, your parents-they can all tell you "read your Bible, Pray daily"...but until you get "in Sync" with God, and make it a priority in your daily life, it is just a chore of sorts. Don't just let it be something that you check off of your "To-Do List"...It has to be a time set aside for Him. For years, I said, "I don't have time", or I just read something to read it...and didn't actually get much at all out of it....and now(no I am not perfect by any means) but I look forward to getting in His word. I feel like He speaks to me that way.

I know that He is speaking to me about certain things...and I just want to be Available. I know He is working. I can't wait to see the outcome. I know that it is going to be bigger than my little ole' mind could ever imagine. More than anything, I want others to see HIM through me. I didn't go to school for photography, I have never claimed to be the "best"...I am my own worst critic...believe me...One of the reasons, I find this journey so difficult..because "There are so many amazing photographers" Why Me? I don't know the answer, but if I can help people see life through His Eyes...I will have found my purpose.

Let's Go...never look back, always look ahead. Ready to go down the path that God has prepared for me.

Let It Go

These words are so easy to say.

But although it is a simple statement, the action behind it=Difficult.

I know that God has a plan for me, I know that He is in control of all the stuff that is going on around me. But knowing something and actually acting on it are two totally different things.

God speaks. I have always known this, but I absolutely have never heard Him, like I have in the past few months. I am amazed at how everything I read, everything I hear on the radio, ALL seems to be saying the same thing...LET IT GO...Trust Him, He is in Control, He has a plan for you...The funniest little things...=) I was reading a fellow bloggers site, and she was doing a giveaway...a book about...guess what...Following God's will...Trusting Him...the general topic of my heart as of late...I thought, I will enter this...sounds like a good read....Yes, you guessed it...I won...I NEVER win anything...I have read 5 books in the past month...all talking about the same thing...One book, I got as a Christmas gift, before I ever went to Haiti...Sermons at church, Sunday School lessons...We even went to see Bob Smiley, a Christian comedian...When he was closing his performance...He spoke on following your dream, using your talents...I cried...at a comedy...I know He is speaking..Why it is so hard to simply obey? I guess the biggest thing is fear...Financial concern...Not wanting to put stress on my family, worry over instability? What if? I know, I know...Other people have had these same feelings...The Isrealites? Leaving Egypt...not knowing where they were going or what was going to happen.....Abraham? Took his son, led him up a mountain...to sacrifice him...not knowing why...just obeying...Noah? Build an ark?that sounded crazy...Why? But he obeyed....Jonah? He really wanted to do things His way...tried it..not such a great way to end up...in the belly of a whale...David? A little guy...fighting a giant? Seems Impossible...God is calling me "out of Nursing"...and to pursue something He gave me a heart for. Doors have opened.One by One. He keeps telling me to Let it Go. I am very OCD. I like things to be in my control. I am not a fan of someone telling me what to do. Ask James ;) I like to plan it out, be in charge, and do it my way. So for God to ask me to Let Go of my job..without a stable income...seems crazy to me..but when I put it in perspective...I would think that Noah, David, and Jonah probably thought the same thing....

So today, I laid down my OCD tendencies...hee hee..I drove a different route to work, I parked in a different parking spot, walked in a different way to the hospital, and took a different set of stairs.... I have worked as a nurse at the same hospital for more or less 15 years. I ALWAYS do the same routine. Never change it. EVER. Today I did. And it felt good. =) It was just a sign to me that I can do this. Change is hard, but won't kill me. I want to obey Him, follow Him with everything in me. I know this is what He wants me to do. So today, I told my manager about my plan. Letting Go, so I can Let God =) Loving Him more each and every day...God Bless.

Clear Eyes, Full Heart, Can't Lose

One of mine and James favorite television shows is Friday Night Lights...We have watched it for almost 5 years now...and last night was the final episode...I sat there watching, crying the entire time...It's almost as if we know these characters personally...I feel that Coach Taylor and his wife, Tami, Tim Riggins, Matt Sarason....all of our favorite characters seem so real. No,

I haven't lost my mind...I know they are just actors. But the characters they play, the serious problems that they are dealing with ARE real.

The Rest of the Story... =)

Ok..I think I am finally ready to write everything that has been going on my life down...I think =) I am at least going to make an effort...

In a previous post, I wrote about how I feel that God is leading me into a different career path...A path that is uncertain, not financially "stable" and something that I am going to have to do on my own-with God's guidance, of course. We serve an amazing God. What better way to start this story, than to praise my King. I have always prayed, I have always spent time in my Bible. But not like I should. Not expecting answers. Not really expecting anything. Just doing it out of habit, or simply "it's the right thing to do"....I am sure some of you know what I mean. But I intentionally made a change after my trip to Haiti. I was in a country where chaos was iminent, sickness was everywhere, and I felt helpless. He was there, and I talked to Him all the time. At night, when I couldn't sleep, I prayed. When I was in tears, thinking about God's will for my life, I prayed. When I needed to find peace, I found it in His word...It is sort of sad that it has always been there, but it took this trip for me to "figure it out" for a lack of better words....And now, I wake up in the mornings, and spend my time with Him first. Before doing anything else. He is doing some pretty awesome things in my life, and I NEED to learn to depend on Him in all things. Working on that one daily =) I say all that, so I can "tell my story"...Much prayer, and reading God's word have went into this desicion. I know it's what God wants me to do. So here goes.....

After I spoke with my friend, concerning my heart for photography, I truly started praying about this. I don't want to make photography what I THINK God wants, just because of my passion for it. So, I didn't take this subject lightly...One Sunday night after the service, a week after I gave my testimony about Haiti, a gentleman wanted to talk with James and I. I was standing with friends, making plans for our regular Sunday night coffee, and this gentleman was standing over the side, obviously wanting to speak with me. I immediately gave him my attention, and what he had to say, blew my mind. (Mind you, the previous week, I had asked God to throw the answer I was looking for in my lap...God if you want me to step out of this boat, and into the water of the unknown-Give me an answer. A billboard? Phone call? LOL...I was seriously praying specifically-If you want me to give up nursing, and jump 100% into photography. Tell me. I need to know) This gentleman, I have never spoken to before. I have seen him in church before, but didn't even know his name. He said, "Cassie, I know you don't know me, and you may think this is crazy. But the Lord has layed something on my heart-ever since I heard your testimony last week, about you feeling God leading you out of nursing...I can't get you out of my mind. This is just something for you to pray about. Talk with James about. Consider. But, I have this house, that is empty, and has been for 3 years. I have tried to sell it and haven't been able to, and I want to know if you would be interested in using it for your photography business?" Really. Is this my Billboard? But then the human side of me thinks, this is too good to be true. People aren't this way. There aren't random "empty houses" sitting around, I don't know this man, Why would he do something like this?....so, I thank him for his offer, tell him we will pray about it, and go on our way...

James and I spent the next two days talking about this, praying about it, truly feeling that God is in it. We had actually been looking at a few places to consider renting for a studio/viewing area...We have lots of ideas. James is wanting to make some pictures frames for me (that are absolutely beautiful, by the way) and we are hoping to incorporate those into our business....Ideas. Ideas. Ideas. I have papers full of stuff that I have thought of since I have began praying specifically. So we decide to call this genteman and talk "details". James talks with him for a good hour, he gives us the address, and the key, we plug the address into our GPS, and head that way. It's not the "location" I would choose, but I am learning everyday that God's plan is WAY better than mine. I just have to be sure to keep HIM in the center of EVERY desicion...We pull into the driveway. James and I look at each other. AMAZED. Why would it be anything else? I prayed for something. God answers. Why would I expect anything less? Not sure. But I immediately felt His prescence. This is it. Do it. I will be with you the entire way. Words can't express. I am even teary-eyed while I am typing this. One more thing, and I will wrap this mini novel up....We are looking inside the house, checking out "things" like paint, talking "business" so to speak, and I walk into the very back room of the house. The one that would need the most work. Wallpaper peeling, ect. This house is empty mind you. Nothing in it. Zilch. Zero. But in this very back room, there is one thing. Are you ready for this? Get ready, because it is amazing. The one thing that is in this house is......a tripod.....A camera tripod!!! I yelled at James to come look at the room I was standing it...and he said, "Is that what I think it is?"...We both took that as yet another confirmation that we are in God's will....

So, to make a very long story short. (if you ask me to tell you about it in person-I would love to =) We have looked at the house two times. Took my parents to look at it. We feel that's where God wants this Business...HIS business...Because I am giving it to Him. My entire heart has changed about photography. When I look through the lens of the camera, I want to see people as He sees them. I want to capture what He sees. He LOVES us. He died for us, and I just want to share that with as many people as I can. If photographing their families gives me a way to do that. I am on board! =)

So, We met with this gentleman this past week. He doesn't have a plan specifically. We don't either. It's in God's hands. But we have an agreement. I am excited. I am scared, because fear of the unknown is human.  Bills still have to be paid, life must go on...But to know that I am in HIS will...after all of these years of fighting it...Peace...=)  But I know that God is with us, my husband supports me, and believes in me. So we are going for it!

One thing I want to add, and then I am finished for now...It didn't hit us until sometime this past week....The gentleman that has made us this offer, had no idea that I was going to change the name of my business to His Eyes Photography. This man is legally blind. We serve an amazing God.

Amazing graceHow sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine