I thought this moment would make me happy, and it does in a way. All my children are safe and sound back home together~as a family. Everyone is asleep. The house is quiet, and I just can't get the thought out of my mind that it's all changing. Three more days, and Ian is in high school. I don't know why it hasn't hit me until just now. He's been gone a week to DC, on his own, becoming more independant, and growing up~whether he realized it or not. He has changed forever this week. He has learned that he can do things without us, manage money, get himself up on time, watch the time, and be responsible. After realizing these things, we don't go "backwards" We only go forward, and grow more. I know this is a good thing for him. But it sure is a hard thing for a mommy. A mommy who doesn't get to be called "mommy" any more. It's mom. I kind of laugh as I type that, because I remember the first time he said it, and it bothered me a little. But I knew it was part of growing up. There are so many of those moments. The ones where you realize they are growing up before your eyes....and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it, but take it all in. When they quit sucking their thumb :), don't want to hold your hand to go into school, don't need you to read them a bedtime story....It changes so fast. Love them like nothing else in this world. Spend as much time with them as you can. Listen when they talk to you. There will come a time when they don't want to share their thoughts with you like they used to. It's so easy to get frustrated when they are small. They get into things, and they "need us" for so much. We sometimes get discouraged by all the things they do need us for~diaper changes, feedings, 2 am feedings, doctor appointments, bath time, tying their shoe, wiping their noses.....the list goes on and on. I just can't believe how fast time has went by.
I just want to be the best "mommy" ;) I can be...God blessed me with three precious children. Sometimes I think it is the hardest job in the world. My heart breaks for them, and the world that they have to grow up in. I want to be better at praying for them. I want to be a better encourager. Listener. Friend. I am so blessed to have married my best friend in all the world~and I am so thankful that he is on this journey with me. James doesn't like seeing them grow up either. He just doesn't have a 1 am breakdown by himself...lol...unlike me =) And like he always says, when they are grown then we will spend the rest of our lives loving each other...I love that man =)
I got up tonight to read my Bible, searching for comfort for my heavy heart. Sounds crazy, but I have learned in the past few months that the Lord speaks to me through His word. No matter the circumstance. Even to a mommy who is sad because her kids are growing up too fast. I opened His word,
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7.
He still amazes me. With each and every day. I know that I am here for a purpose~The love I have for these 3 guys that God has blessed me with~no where compares to the love He has for me. He gave His life up for me. No matter how many times I mess up, or come back to Him begging for forgiveness, comfort, peace. He loves me anyway.
Tonight, I want to thank you Lord, for guiding and protecting my precious family this past week as we were all in different locations. Thank you for bringing Macey and Ian both home safely. Thank you for the blessing of family. Help James and I as we raise the kids you have given us~to put you first in ALL things. When everyone else in the house is asleep, Thank you for being willing to listen, and most of all~speak to me...Amen =)