Tuesday, December 28, 2010

He is in the Details....

Haven't blogged for a few days....have been putting updates on Facebook....not even sure if anyone is reading this blog or not...but it is a way for me to get my thoughts down...so I do it =) for me....

We didn't get to fly out on the 26th as planned due to a snowstorm....was so frustrating...Was mentally prepared to go to Haiti...and now, here I am, in Kingsport...still waiting....So hard...I have honestly felt that God wants me to go on this trip...one door after another has opened...Almost unbelievable...So, I am having a hard time with this stumbling block....I know that God is in the details...and I know that He knows more than I could ever comprehend...but I can't help but feel frustration, because I could be there now...serving....Don't get me wrong...I am not complaining...just reasoning....I have been doing this for the past day or two...so, I am just now getting down to putting all my thoughts down....today...feeling peace.....=) but just wanting to share my last few days....

I was listening to the radio yesterday right after I did my devotion, and had asked the Lord to help me understand why this is going on...and the following song came on..."While I am Waiting-by John Waller" Ok, I have heard this song, like 1000 times...but never this way...Isn't it amazing how you can listen, but not really listen? If that makes any sense...=) But that is what I have done lately...I have heard things...but not really....This song is amazing...going to post it...listen, and pay attention to the words....
So, I will serve Him....While I am waiting...Praying...and being obedient....with peace =) Even while I wait....

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal...

Psalm 37:34
Wait for the LORD and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.

Wanted to share this morning....God IS in the details of every thing that is going on concerning this mission trip to Haiti...I know He wants me there....Just wasn't the way I had planned...This morning...I am laying it at His feet....

Friday, December 24, 2010

Global Phone

who would have ever thought i would need such a thing. i actually didnt even know it existed . i do now and am the proud owner of the droid two global.i recieved an email yesterday that said while in haiti we may have little or no internet connection and possibly no  phone service,so we decided to take the opportunity to upgrade ect. so this is my testblog from my phone .not bad. a little difficult to type all my thoughts.but serves its purpose.talking to my family while im away. well heading to bed so santa can come. kids are so excited,and so am i. merry christmas.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

100 Joys-continued =)

Haven't blogged in a few days...but have been aware of the small things that are bringing JOY to my life....
Each one of my children....in so many different ways....
9. Ian He has a way of always making me smile. He IS my first baby...and no matter how big he thinks he is getting, I will still look at him that way....He has an amazing sense of humor, and reminds me so much of his daddy...which is def a good thing....He has a huge heart for others, and he loves his Lord. I have seen him grow up so much over the past year....Matured so much, has a girlfriend, getting ready for high school....ugh...just want to spend as much time with this young man as possible, because time goes TOO fast....love you Ian. You always bring me Joy.

10. Macey A daughter. It is every mommy's dream to have a daughter to share the "girl stuff" with...and Macey is that. A blessing, a joy in every way. She is a beautiful young lady inside and out. She loves her brothers, and she has such a caring heart. She has such BIG dreams, and an astronomical attitude. To only be 11, and to have worked in NYC, traveled and auditioned in Nashville, Atlanta, and now Los Angeles....So focused on the important things. Loving her Lord, caring for others....I love spending time with her, and as I have told her before-she is my best friend. Love You Macey. Joy.

11. Cade Last, but not least...The baby of them all...He is so precious. Who would have ever thought that you could have 3 children, and they be SO different? But they are...I stand amazed sometimes at how much they are alike, and then their differences are so obvious as well....Cade loves his mommy (daddy too, but this is my blog, right?) He is my artist. He loves to draw, paint, sculpt, and he does it with heart. He draws me pictures all the time, and is always giving "his personal best". He and Macey are inseperable...and as of late, He and Ian are becoming big buddies too....the minute he wakes up, and walks into the family room-Joy. Love you Cade.

12. James Can't name people that bring me joy without talking about my best friend in all the world. James and I have been together since we were 15 years old....hard to believe that it's been that long, but time flies when you are having fun. =) He is the best...could go on and on and on...but not wanting to get mushy on here...So when I say James, I think Joy. God has blessed me with an wonderful marriage, to my best friend, who shares my love for our Lord-who has blessed our marriage beyond imagination...Can't get any more Joy out of life than that =)

there are some "simple things" that bring me joy as well....
13. Worship Music-any type, especially in my car...Love spending time with God, alone
14. Sunshine-Lots of it, Usually in the summer months. May-August....JOY
15. Beach-any kind, any place, any time...I am getting to go to Hilton Head in Feb. of 2011 with my Scentsy Business...Won't get to do my normal "beach activities", but nonetheless....JOY
16. Travel-if it says go, I am Happy. Love to pack my bags, and roll on out of Kingpsort...Any day of the year....
17. Laundry completed-ha ha ha...I think that would bring me Joy...Not sure if it has ever happened.
18. a Roof on my house-for those of you who know me, this roof thing has been a long process...so to pull into a home with no tarps, and a garage-pure JOY-every day
19. Sound Machine-I can NOT sleep with out it. Crazy, I know. But we started using it when Cade was a baby...and now, Cade sleeps without it, but not me...Ocean sound...goes back to that love of the beach...I think ;)
20. Blogging-Love to get my thoughts down. Whether in a journal or a blog...I do both. Even though internet, and Facebook, blogs are fun. I still like a good smelling journal, with a gel pen. in my favorite color, and time to simply write. Trying to teach the importance of writing to the kids...Macey gets it. Not sure anyone else does...=)
21. Getting Personal Mail-Something about going to the mailbox and opening it up, and recieving a card, or letter....JOY
22. Grandparents-My parents are amazing, and have helped James and I out tremendously in life. Watching the kids while we work, helping us run them around. But to see them as Grandparents to my kids. The smile on my kids faces when they get to go to their house....JOY
23. Coffee....Simple enough...Coffee with sugar free vanilla creamer....enough said. Wonder if they will have coffee in Haiti? =)
24. Weight Loss....I know, very vain. BUT, have been struggling with weight issues ever since my little Cade was born...to finally have lost 40 pounds-JOY for me....still on the road to my goal, but closer than I have been in years.
25. Missions-have always wanted to go to another country and serve my Lord. Getting ready to leave. JOY
26. Scrapbooking-Photography+Journaling all wrapped up together in one...JOY
27. Photography-sharing what I see in my mind, capturing it with a camera, and saving that "still moment" forever-JOY
28. Laptop-what makes my photography, blogging, connections with my sister, family, possible. JOY
29. Christmas lights-Sitting in the den, with no lamps on, only the light from the tree. JOY
30. Framed pictures I have done, in other people's homes-Nothing like going to visit a friend, and seeing my work on the walls of their home-JOY

that's it for my list today...Rest of the family is still sleeping, going to get ready, and run a few errands...hoping to get my eyes checked today. Can't see well, and thinking I need new prescriptions....Going to finish our cookie making, wrap the few gifts I have left to wrap. Enjoy the week before Christmas =)
31. OH! One more thing that has brought me joy today. God allowed me to be off work today. To spend time with those guys I love so much. Has really bothered me having to work while they are home, and ended up getting off work today. JOY.

I am leaving for Haiti on Monday, December 27. Please continue to pray for us as we travel, and for James and the kids as they are home. Happy Wednesday.....

Saturday, December 18, 2010

100 Joys

I have read blogs for years...My "blog reading" has slowed down considerably...Especially since Facebook came along...I think it sort of got me out of the blogging world..

But one blog, I have continued to follow is Sarah Markley's...and right now, she is doing a Joy Project....Where she is photographing, and listing 100 Joys during the month of December....Trying to get away "mentally" from the hustle and bustle of this time of year....and actually focus on Joy....I thought this was a great idea, so therefore, I am going to participate...I did get a late start....but I am not on anyone's timeline...It is my blog...=)

First thing I wanted to do was define
Joy-the emotion evoked by well being, success or good fortune; or by the prospect of possessing what one desires; a source or cause for delight....
So, right now, what would I say is a source of Joy in my life....
1. my Spiritual Walk-something that I have taken for granite for quite some time...but as of late, my time with my Lord is what keeps me going on a day to day basis.
2. Winter is a difficult time of year for me. Snow. Cold. Dark. Cloudy. Depressed. That pretty much defines me this time of year. I can stay in my house, and not come out until Spring. But I have to mentally make myself get out and "go". So my job, believe it or not, is a source of Joy in my life right now. I have had the opportunity to come in contact with some amazing people, who have things a lot worse than me going on in their lives right now, and it has been a blessing to me.
3. My family-These people I live with....they may be crazy.wild.out of control sometimes. But they are one of the biggest sources of Joy in my life...Spending time with them is my favorite thing to do....Watching "Clash of the Titans" (NOT my type of movie at ALL!!!) all snuggled up on the couch...sharing my heart...and my life with them. JOY at it's best.
4. I can't believe that in a little over a week, I will be in another country. Haiti. Serving as a nurse. God sure does have a sense of humor. Because I would have never in a thousand years, imagined this trip happening....I sometimes wonder if I am doing "God's will for my life". working as a nurse...Is there something else out there? More to what I am supposed to be doing? Not sure about all the details, but for now-He wants me to go to Haiti. Knowing that, and having a PEACE beyond understanding. Brings me Joy.
5. Friends that pray for me. love me as I am. and support me in all the crazy things I do....
6. Not as serious, but still a Joy. Scentsy. Scentsy has been a huge blessing in our lives. It has more than paid for all of our Christmas shopping. Has helped me to make new precious friends, and I can see it being a blessing down the road. Nothing like owning your own business, to make you feel like you can and will accomplish something. and that matters to me.
7. My Church Family. If you don't have a church family. Not really sure how you get through life. The people in my Sunday School class are like family to me. A Second family. We trust them with our children, our secrets, our hearts. One thing we share with them is our Love for our Lord. and that is simply amazing.
8. Choir. I would have never thought I would be a part of a church choir. Singing is not one of my "skills". LOL....I don't ever plan on doing a solo, or anything like that. But singing in the choir is something I knew God wanted me to do. I know some people don't "get things like that", but while Macey and I were in NYC, I felt like God wanted me to join the choir at church when we got home. So, I did. and Believe me, it is such a blessing in my life. Brian, our worship pastor, is truly dedicated to God, and to worship. Sometimes, I can be in the middle of the worst week ever, and choir practice is the last place I want to be, and always find JOY there. Worshipping our Lord=JOY..=) No other explanation required....

Well, that's a start to my list....I have no idea how long it will take me to write about 100 Joys. But I am not on a time scale. Just wanting to change my focus somewhat this time of year. Not wanting to get caught up in the shopping. decorating. and all the stuff that is going on. Wanting to focus inward. on my heart. on my Lord.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Amazed (Continued)

As I walked out of the Pastor's office, I had a number of messages on my phone. First and foremost I needed to call the State Representative's office. The pastor had advised me to call them to help get my passport expedited more quickly. So I called-spoke with a lady who told me the office was getting ready to close, but I could come by at 8am the next day. Hmmmm. I had to work the next day-and with the job I do, I have to get there at 530. With all this on my mind, I began to scroll through the list of messages, texts ect that were on my phone. There was one from my boss...that said for me not to worry about coming in to work until 9 am. The patient census was low the next morning, and she wouldn't need me until that time. Seriously? I started crying right there in the car. I mean, I had prayed if God wanted me to go on this trip, that he work it out...and one step at a time, he is working it out. So, the next morning, I drop the kids off at school, go to Walgreens-get my passport pictures made, go to State Representative's office, then to the Law Court-everything I needed to get a passport done and turned in-in a matter of 45 minutes.....Pulled into the parking garage at Wellmont-08:57-Amazed.

I continually have been dealing with some emotional things concerning this trip. I know it is God's will, but I also can't help the "human" nature of feeling guilty for being away from my kids on Christmas....I know that they understand. Especially the older two, but Cade has been struggling a little bit. One night we had a talk about it, and he gets it-he just wants me here too. Understandably. Fast forward a day or two-I'm driving to work, Christmas music on the radio-gets me. Five o clock in the morning, crying on the way to work because of having to leave the kids. I decided to pray (something I have done more of the past few weeks than in quite some time) Lord, if you are in this-which I know you are-then give me a peace. I need to know that this is your will. I don't want to keep having doubts, or fears-I simply want to know a peace about this desicion. The following song started playing on the radio. Chris Tomlin's "I will rise"-The first words are....There's a peace I come to know, though my heart and flesh may fail. There's an anchor for my soul, I can say it is well...." There was my answer. Some may not get it, but it was as plain as day for me. Here again, I stand amazed.

Later the same day at work, I recieved a phone call from one of the girls who is going on this trip with me. She had some news. Haiti has certain regulations about flying. Not sure of the specifics-just know that Samaritan's Purse had contacted her and said that they couldn't fly us in on Christmas day-it would have to be on December 27-Was that ok....Ok, the only thing that was really emotionally holding me back-leaving my family on a holiday-that obstacle was removed. My God works in amazing ways. I can't even begin to tell you details of how is hand has been in every step of the journey so far. The things I am blogging about are just the ones that stand out to me. I think back to the Bible, Abraham was told to take his son, and offer him as a sacrifice. He asked no questions, he acted out in obedience. I am sure he wondered why? But he knew that he had to do what God asked of him. So he did. But God stopped him. He rewarded him due to his act of obedience. Some of you may think I am crazy, but I feel like this is along the same lines. Going to Haiti on Christmas day was a "sacrifice" to me. I decided to do it-because God told me to. Still questioning why in the back of my mind. But knowing that God's plan is beyond anything I can fathom. And wanting to be in His Will....Obedience. The phone call I recieved that day, was God saying-Thank you for being obedient, willing to sacrifice your holiday with your family. I want you to go on December 27. So December 27 is the day we are leaving. God has something big in store. I am so excited to be a part of it. The smiles on my kids faces when I shared this story with them. Priceless. Mommy will be here on Christmas day-plus get to share Jesus with those who are lost and dying in Haiti. God is Good. All the time. =)

Friday, December 10, 2010

Back to Blogging

I have thought about doing this again, and have put it off for quite some time....but decided tonight that I think I am going to take the leap....and blog again....I decided to make some changes, create a new blog, new link, ect. Was getting lots of "spam" comments, ect on my old site....so here we go, a fresh start....I won't delete my old site, lots of great blogging there....just ready for a new beginning....in the blogging world =)

I have had a lot on my mind lately-and really want to get it all down...God has been working in my heart and my life. I am still amazed when I think about all of the different ways I have felt His presence in the past few weeks.....I am going to try to write it in detail from the beginning....for me...not for anyone else. I just want to remember all of this in the years to come....God is Good. All the time.

A few weeks ago, I begin to be burdened. Wasn't really sure about what. I have had this feeling for quite some time that God wants me to go somewhere. Somewhere other than Kingsport. I was thinking that this was related to Macey's career-We went to LA for Fall Break to help Macey "follow" her dream. She interviewed with 2 agents, did really well, and actually signed with Rage Talent. God's hand has been in Macey's career from the very beginning. I do think that this trip was a blessing to our family. Great time together, exploring another part of our country-but there is still a void.

Could God really want me to do missions? I kept having this feeling, but also kept pushing back because I didn't see how this really could be what He would want for me. I mean, I don't have any money for a trip, I have 3 kids, and can't possibly leave them, I have a job, and a schedule, and a husband....the list of "excuses" went on and on.....Just sort of ignored this feeling and went on with my daily life....

One Sunday morning, the sermon really hit home. I am not sure of the details of the service. All I know is God spoke to me. He wants me to do missions. I decided to go to the altar, and pray about it. Lord, if this is what you want for me-show me-open my eyes. Two days later, yes, TWO days later, I recieve a phone call from a friend, who has an opportunity to go to Haiti with Samaritan's Purse-and wants to know if I would be interested. Ok, Lord, seriously? Well, of course I would...what are the details. First, this trip would be completely free....AND we would be leaving on Christmas Day....Hmmm...The free part is amazing, but leaving on Christmas? I don't know. I have kids, and they need me home with them....It is a holiday, a Christian holiday at that...Why would I need to go on this trip on Christmas? I told my friend I would pray about it-thinking the dates simply don't work for me. Plain and Simple. Who goes on a Mission trip on Christmas?

Well, God opened my eyes to my selfishness pretty quickly. Following Him on my terms isn't what he wants. He wants complete obedience. On his terms. He sacrificed His son, His ONLY son, for me. and you. for all of us. He wants me to go, and He wants me to go on Christmas. So, I decided to go speak with my pastor. Told him my concerns. Cried. Prayed. Knew the answer when I left his office. I am to go to Haiti. (to be continued)