Project 365? plus one....

This is something I have wanted to do for a few years, and just didn't think that I would follow through with it....But this year, I have decided to do it. And I am going to post my daily picture on my blog...a sort of accountability thing for me =) I plan on taking one photograph every day, that "wraps up" our day, so to speak. I plan on monthly, compiling all of the pictures into an album, and at the end of the year, I hope to have one picture for each day of 2012. A personal goal for me. I hope to capture some of our every day moments. I am going to allow cell phone pictures as well because I know there are sometimes that I may not be able to use my camera, but I always have my cell phone. Trying to make this little personal goal of mine as reachable as possible. So for the first day of 2012, what better picture to post....that of my church. Starting the new year of right. Worshipping our Lord <3

Where do You want to be 5 Years from now?

I have been to a couple of interviews here lately in my search for the perfect job...lol...and this is a question that every one seems to ask.

Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?

and it really got to me. It was during an interview that I had today. I didn't post anything about this interview, or the previous 2 I have had. Because I just don't "feel" like I am where I am supposed to be..

.I have never been closer to God than during the days I spent in Haiti this past January....and during that time I know what He said to me...He called me "out of nursing". So for me to continuously work as a nurse, kills me. I have bills, and nursing is what pays them. But I am SO unhappy there... I want more than anything to be doing what my heart knows I should be doing....but this thing called fear. uncertainty. lack of faith. Seem to keep my feet planted right where I am. So frustrating. I sometimes wonder how I spent so many years, just doing what I do. Working, sleeping, taking kids to all of the places they had to be, and never think about God's plan for me. Never consider that I maybe should be doing something Bigger. Not so self centered. Putting others first. Sharing His Love with those who haven't met Him yet. <3

I honestly don't think it is a coincidence that I have applied for 5 or so nursing jobs...and haven't gotten one of them. He knows where He wants me. I wish he would just make this path a little easier. I think my health situation this summer was a wake up call to a lot of things....He IS in control. But I just want the answers now. I am not a patient person. I usually try to be positive on my blog, and my facebook page...but today...it's just not really there...Just really wanting answers. Now. So today is a blah day for me.

So, Where do I want to be in 5 years? Honestly? I have no idea.Five years from now...Ian will be 19, Macey 17, and Cade 13...Wow....I want to be in His Will.  I am open to just about anything. I just want to be doing life for my Lord. Serving in the mission field....whether it is Africa, or my community that I live in now. Five years from now, I don't want to look back and say....I wish I had just had the Faith to go. Faith to do what I know in my heart I was supposed to.

That interview I mentioned...I actually was offered the opportunity to work there. But the entire day today...had this feeling that it's not where I am supposed to be. So. I am just a girl. Praying for direction. Wanting more than anything to be where I am supposed to be. <3

God is putting things together

Have had a lot on my mind the past few days...and now that I am finally off work for a few days, thought I would make an attempt to get it down.

My sister was in this weekend. Was so glad to see her even though the time seemed to pass so quickly. She shared her testimony with our Sunday School class, and also spoke during the service. I am so proud of her<3 We have been through so very much together, over the years. But I think the year 2011 goes down in the books. It has been so difficult for her and her precious children. My problems don't even seem to compare. I have had my fair share of rough "stuff" this year, but even during my hard times, my sister was my rock. She had been through so much herself, but always seemed to find a way to make me feel better. Lift me up. Make me smile. And for that, I am thankful. I so wish I could take away all of the hurt that she has had to experience. It just doesn't seem fair. Happiness is hard to come by in this world. I pray for her and her children daily. God is in control. I know that. Tonight is just one of those nights where it is just so difficult to understand.  I Love you Kristie...More than you know<3

Work has gotten to me lately. I know I should be thankful for a job. I am. I promise. But...When you feel that God is calling you to do something else. It is so difficult to keep on "keeping on" for lack of a better way to say it. I feel like I am doing the same thing over and over and getting nowhere. Crazy? Probably to some. But I really don't know a better way to explain it. Worrying and anxiety are still things I deal with because of the aneurysm "event"....Just a lot on my mind and in my heart...Sometimes its overwhelming. Today was one of those days. Emotionally...spent.

Amazing to me that I was feeling this way today, pulled out my phone and checked my facebook...and there were two posts there from two different friends...about this VERY thing. God is up to something, I know it. One was a devotion titled, Are you tired of Waiting on God?...Really? With the verse....Isaiah 40:31, “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”<3 The other was the quote...."When everything seems to be falling apart, that is when God is putting things together, just the way He wants them"<3

Struggling with some things, praying, and hoping to "get it right". Thankful He is opening my eyes. Praying to see life through His Eyes. Daily.  Knowing He wants to use me to help share His love. Blessed with so much. <3

Is God in it?

Haven't blogged in a while...This work thing seems to be taking up a lot of my free time...I am not a big fan of it. Ha ha...but I do know that God has given me this opportunity to help us financially at a time when we need it. So I simply do my best not to complain. =)

Couple things on my mind. Nothing deep...Just needed to get it out. My children are involved in a number of sports. Football. Cheerleading. Wrestling. One thing that completely makes me crazy is to be sitting at one of these events, and listening to the people around me. I honestly wish I could turn my ears off. But I can't. All of the voices around me. Negativity. Seriously. I was at the ball game the other night, and heard a parent comparing our cheer team to the other cheer team. In a negative way. Even stated that this was the first game that they brought their family to, and they were "embarrassed". Hmmmm. I am not impressed. This almost triggered a letter to the editor from me. But then, I thought better of it. Just decided to vent on my blog...Not as many readers...lol...But When your children are involved in something~no matter what it is. Why would you do something to bring them down? I have one child with self esteem issues anyway. Why would I say something negative about them? Kids in our nation today have so much going on in their lives, so much negative from everyone else. Why would they need it from their parents? I just don't get it. We may not be the best cheer team in the city. But my daughter is on the team, and I am proud of her. For who she is. What she stands for. And her cheering skills are pretty good to me! All of the girls did an exceptional job as far as I am concerned. I don't tend to compare to others though. I sure am glad God doesn't do that. If we were compared to some of the great men and women of God out there. I am sure that a lot of us wouldn't measure up. That is one of my little issues of the week...

The other one is....why can't people just get along? When you work with someone~don't make it so difficult to get along. I like to avoid conflict, but the best way to do that is keep your mouth shut. =) Not always the best at that one personally...but if you remove yourself from a situation where there is conflict...You definitley will be better off for it. Don't get in the middle of it. Don't take sides. Just thing about how Jesus would handle the situation. Pray. and Stay out of it. Enough Said. =)

I am very opinionated. I feel strongly about certain things. I just want my kids to learn what matters in life. To be vessels for God. Learn to face problems alone..You don't have to "fit in". It is better to be yourself. Than be like everyone else. .Knowing that even though they feel alone-that God is on their side. Praying about this a lot this week.

God is working on my heart. In more ways than one. I have made a conscious effort to pull away from photography for the past couple of months. I don't want to DO something if it isn't what I think God has planned for me. Funny thing is...Photography keeps coming up. Over and OVER....So, I am going to try it again. It doesn't pay the bills. It doesn't get me into Mission work(yet anyway;) that is so where my heart is right now) I can't depend on it 100%. But my heart is filled when I have a camera in my hand. I love the feeling of running through a field with a child to capture that perfect laugh. I love the feeling of seeing family photos in the homes of my friends. That fills my heart. I was sharing this with a friend the other day...and she said, But How do you feel when you are doing photography? I honestly have thought about that. Alot. I get a high when I do a session. I get back into the car, smiling, flipping through my camera...to see what images I like the most. I drive home with my windows down. Praise music playing. Smiling. Happy. Is God in it? Yes. As long as I continue to give it ALL to Him. The name of my business says it all~His Eyes Photography. I want to see the world through His Eyes. If it takes me picking up my camera again to do that. I am ready. <3 Details to come soon.

He is Able to do All things<3

Back to Fishing

I posted yesterday about how I had listened to a few different speakers, and they have ALL spoken on the same subject....Which was the topic I wrote about yesterday....Well, today, I got off work early, so I decided to take advantage of my quiet time...and pulled up my devotion for today...You know it before I say it...But it is also....the same topic...CRAZY! I truly think God is trying to tell me something...So, I am going to do my best this time....to listen<3 Pray for James and I as we try to determine what it is we are supposed to be doing. =) We both feel the same way~We just want God to use us. Praying daily. Here is a copy of the devotion....from Proverbs 31 Ministries<3

Back to Fishing

’I'm going out to fish,’ Simon Peter told them, and they said, ‘We’ll go with you.’ So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing." John 21:3 (NIV)

Have you ever found yourself in a place where all your hopes and dreams have fallen apart? What did you do?

Jesus’ disciple Peter had betrayed his Lord, and watched Him die. Now Jesus was gone. So what did he do? In John 21, we see Peter going back to what he was doing before he met Him. I sometimes wonder what he must’ve been thinking as he sat aboard the fishing boat and scanned the horizon.

Did he wonder if it was all just a dream? Did he worry about the future? He had been at a spiritual pinnacle—walking with Jesus, hearing from Jesus, planning for a future that included Jesus. But in the blink of an eye, he and his comrades were back to their old pursuits as though nothing had happened at all.

God was still at work, but during this time He let Peter and the other disciples go back to fishing. He let them have those days of wondering and worrying. He allowed them to scan the horizon looking for Him—and find nothing. For a time He allowed them to feel alone and even forsaken.

When we feel that way, we tend to go back to what we knew before. We might go back to old habits or old friends who weren’t necessarily the best for us. We might go back to old pursuits or old crutches that once propped us up. We might be like Peter and find ourselves sitting in a place we never thought we’d see again.

And yet, this time, something is different. This time there is that glimmer of hope that—while we might have gone back—we don’t have to stay back.

I love that this story ends with Jesus on the beach waiting for Peter and his friends to stop fishing and come to Him. And, when Peter saw Jesus, he jumped out of the boat to get to Him.

Perhaps you’ve walked away from your own dreams and returned to what is familiar. Maybe disappointment or failure has left you wondering where God is. I hope you will cling to this story today. I hope that as you scan your horizon, you will see God waiting for you to return to Him. And when you do, you will run towards Him as fast as you can.

He may have let you go through an alone time. He may have allowed you to wonder if He was still there. But in that time, I pray that the flicker of hope did not die out for you. You may have gone back to "fishing," but He doesn’t want you to stay there. He’s got so much more for you to do. He is still at work. His plans involve going forward, not going back.

Dear Lord, I have felt alone and forgotten. I have wondered if any of my spiritual experiences were real. I’ve gone back to what’s familiar because it was all I knew to do. But I know You don’t want to leave me there. I want to see You when I scan the horizon. And when I do, help me to have the courage to run toward You as fast as I can. I trust that You still have a plan for me. And that plan involves going forward, not going back. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

I Will Follow

Haven't blogged in a few weeks..Not because I haven't had a lot on my mind =) I have finally went back to work....and our schedules and pure exhaustion simply got the best of me.

One thing that I truly valued during my time that I was off work~due to my illness~was my quiet time with God. I had plenty of it. AND I definitely used my time wisely. Isn't it funny how in a crisis situation we realize our need for God in our lives. We pray. Alot. We read our Bibles. Alot. And then this crazy thing called "normal" starts creeping back into our lives, and we slowly grow away from what was such a difficult lesson to learn in the first place. I can feel this starting to happen in my life~and I don't want it anywhere near me<3 I want to continue the pathway that I feel like God has put me on. I don't want to allow this "normal" way of life to come back. Bad things happen. I have had my fair share of them lately. But I have grown so much because of them. I want to use what I have gained. To be more bold for Christ. I mean, in all seriousness, I really could not be here today. I had a subdural brain hemmorage. A condition that many people die of. Why didn't I? Because God has a purpose for me. He has a purpose for all of us. We just have to make an effort to figure out what it is.

I listen to a number of pastors on a weekly basis (Daniel Floyd~My sister's pastor, Steven Furtick~Pastor of Elevation Church)...plus our own church, and Sunday school class....I am learning to realize that all things truly happen for a reason...I have always known this, but when you see it happening in your life, over and over again....It just makes it more concrete. The two pastors that I watch online, plus the guest pastor that was at our church yesterday, plus our Sunday school lesson....ALL speaking about the same topic. Seriously? I mean...when I started watching my last one this morning....I got all teary. It's like, "Ok, God...I get it...I believe you are talking to me...." =)

Somewhere along the way...We start "living" life...and stop dreaming.

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

 We settle for the routine day to day life...and we don't run for the dream God has for us.

The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. Psalm 37:23-24

We are NOT here just to Be. We are here to make an impact with our lives. For Jesus. Not just to exist in this world. 

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. Psalm 32:8

We are not to be afraid that we can't. Because He said....I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Phillipians 4:13

We all face tough times. I have recently. I have dreams. Big ones. I want to reach people for Jesus. Was ready to face the world...or so I thought...

Then my brother in law passed....my van transmission went out, I had a subdural hemmorage, finances headed south, Unable to work for some time....my fire went out for what I personally could do. During all of this, my relationship with God grew so much. Spiritually I felt closer than ever...But physically, felt as if I was pretty much helpless... But my situation seemed pretty hopeless for me to get to "pursue" some of these dreams I have. So, here I am~back to nursing...because it pays the bills. Being a "taxi driver" for my kids. Laundry. Dishes. Housework. You know the list. We all have one.

But I heard this today...and it sure hit home. In the Bible, Peter denied Jesus three times. I am sure he was overwhelmed with regret after Jesus died on the cross. After Jesus' death on the cross, Peter went back to fishing. Not thinking about everything that Jesus taught him.  That was what he did before. That was his normal. His routine. His comfort zone. What came easy for him. Until that day  he saw Jesus on the shore. When he realized it was Him. He jumped out of the boat. <3 And ran to Him. (John 21-1-17) Love this part. Because even though he went back to what was easy...Once He realzied that the Lord was there. With Him. He jumped out of the boat (comfort zone) and ran to Christ (His calling)...To me...that is just amazing<3 Jesus is on my shore...waiting for me to run to Him. He doesn't want me to sit in my comfort zone...and just simply exist. He wants me to Live my Dream. Be all I can be for Him. Be committed. Don't sit and think about what I can do. LIVE it. I don't want to go back to what is comfortable. I want to do what God has called me to do. God wants us to be OUT of our comfort zone...Because ultimately that is where we serve Him the best.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

This is my prayer today. I am struggling with this one. James and I are praying and searching for His will in some things. Knowing God is in it. Looking forward to seeing where He is going to take us. Because....

Where You go, I'll go
Where You stay, I'll stay
When You move, I'll move
I will follow... =)

 

Dream...

Beautiful Song...Love.

Just wanted to share...

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream